MIDODARENI

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Midodareni is a final stage of ceremony prior the wedding day, whereas the Groom will come to Bride's Home and emphasize his wills in marrying the Bride. In this ceremony both of them should not meet each other. Even in the past day, both of couple should not meet for 40 days before their wedding time. But in this modern era, the rules has been much change.

I will call this a traditional bachelorette party in Javanese version. Midodareni comes from the word "widodari" which means angel in Javanese term. Belief, that lots of angel will come to the earth and beautifies the bride to be. The bride will hide in her room until the ceremony finishes, and all of her girl friends can accompany her at that time to calm her prior the BIG day. The room which used, is very well decorated with flowers, and will be used after the wedding day as the Newlywed Room. Usually the couple will stay in the bride's parents house for a moment until they will be leaving. But this is optional, in this modern era, lots of couple go directly for their honeymoon or their new house.

In Midodareni, the Groom may come with his both parents, or only represent by his uncles. This is optional, but in my ceremony, both of the groom parents came, along with his big family. They will sit in chairs which has been prepared, opposite to the Bride's family, therefore they can see each other. Groom and his parents will sit in front of Bride's parents.

The ceremony shall begin by opening from the Javanese MC, and continue with representative from both family. The representative from Groom family will utter their aim of visit that is "the Groom has been ready to marry the Bride". They are also bring lots of gift to be given to the Bride and seeking for the Bride's response.(the gifts are called seserahan, that are uneven basket which filled with lady equipment from top to bottom, such as clothing, skirt, shoes, bags, kebaya, traditional cloth, underwear, toiletries, others). The basket could be 5, 7, 9, 11 or more.

To answer the Groom's family query, Bride's parents will need to ask their daughter, which is called Tantingan. What will be her response to the Groom's readiness to marry her? Does she accept it? Does she also in Love with this man?

Well I do, so I answered that I also in love with him quickly and willing to marry him. In return I asked my father to read "Catur Wedha" to the Groom which are 4 advices that should be used as a guideline in the marriage life.

The 4 advices which read to the Groom are mentioning that starts tomorrow both of them will unite as one and they should love, respect, and appreciate each other. Furthermore, both of the couple also should respect and appreciate their parents and in-laws. In the society, they should be citizens who are responsible, have a good attitude, honest, respect others and not differ them through their group of society, religion, or others. They need to be faithful and love God, so that God will always guide them in every step of their way.

Afterward the Bride's mother will give " Toyo Wening" or water to the Groom and he may not eat dinner. This is a tradition from the ancient time which is still carry on until today, the meaning in the past, the Groom should be avoid to eat to prevent bad luck, or food poisoning should there's someone unwanted him marrying the bride. But for all other guests, it is time to have dinner and chattering with the other family member.

After dinner, time to go home, but prior that, the Bride's parents will give " Kancing Gelung" which consist of traditional java tuxedo, cloth, keris (traditional java sword), and all of the equipment to be used by the Groom in the wedding day. Keris in the past time, was a sword that passed to the Groom, so that he can protect his family from the evil. In this modern time, it works only as a symbol. " Angsul-Angsul" are gifts which given as return to the Groom's family, which contain food, fruit, cookies, others that could be eat as breakfast in the next day. These also provided in uneven number of basket.

After the Groom's family return home, the rest of the night will be used for the Bride and Groom to sleep and take some rest after the long long day. They need to recharge their energy to face the next harsh day..the WEDDING DAY...

DULANG PUNGKASAN

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"The last meal", I think we can call it that way. It is a stage of ceremony prior midodareni evening, when the parents of bride and groom to be will feed them their last meal as if in their childhood, and their soon will be married and not will be under the parents supervision anymore.

On this stage, "Nasi Tumpeng, a cone formed rice, with its variety of side dishes will be prepared. Father will cut the top of the cone and mother will pick the side dishes, every details of the side dishes for Javanese people has their own meaning. As egg that symbolize expectation that the bride will soon be pregnant, vegetable or "sayur mayur" will put hope that the couple will be loved by their family or "sedulur" in Javanese term. The rest of the cone will be cut in for direction which symbolize the point arrow, North, South, East and West which will vanish their trouble in their life.

Soon, after making up and as the bride and groom ready, this stage of ceremony could be done in a beautiful decorated area.

MELEPAS AYAM

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This is one a full of excitement part in Siraman ceremony prior Midodareni evening. "Melepas Ayam" I couldn't find the right translation for this, but literally it means releasing a chicken. For the bride's family the parents will release a hen, and for the groom's a rooster.

The meaning for this part is that the parents has letting go their children to go outside their house, finding a new path with their chosen one and hopefully able to live the life independently without their parents help.

Every guests is very exciting for this ceremony, the father will take sides and together with her wife release the chicken to the air. The lucky one can catch it and bring it home.

The funny thing about the hen which released at this ceremony, when it lay eggs, the same time I know that I'm pregnant.. haha..whether it was just a coincidence.. or a fulfilled expectation...

DODOL DAWET

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Siraman has finished. Now the bride and the groom may taking their shower and prepare for Midodareni or bachelorette and bachelor party for Javanese people.

While waiting the Bride to look perfect in the evening. All the guest in the Bride's home were entertained with a small show from the Bride parents. They are selling "dawet" a sweet dessert consist of coconut milk, a worm-like jelly made from rice flour with green food coloring (usually derived from the pandan leaf), shaved ice and palm sugar. Next to these basic recipe, other ingredients such as jack fruit and tapai or traditional fermented cassava might be included.

In the show, the Mother will act as a "dawet" seller, and father will help her to prepare and shade her with the umbrella. The guest will pay with a "kreweng" which made of piece terracotta roof tile. Father will receive the payment and give it to the mother. Part of family member, younger sister could help to distribute "kreweng" to every guest for pay for dawet prior they center around the sweet tasteful drink.

The meaning of this show is actually very deep, it showing the bride how is a couple cooperating in selling dawet to earn their living. Payment with kreweng which come from terracotta shows that our live is coming from the earth. Dawet which sold also giving expectation that the couple to be will have a big fortune and live a sweet life as if dawet.

SIRAMAN

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After sungkeman is finish, the bride and groom will change their outfit. The bride will take off her kebaya and change it with a jasmine cape, while the groom will take off his belangkon (traditional hat) and tux, change the "jarik" traditional cloth to "jumputan" pattern, and also wear a jasmine cape.

The bride and groom will be fetch by their parents from the changing room to Siraman stage, where all guests who are very fascinating enjoying the ceremony has been gathered.

As mentioned before, in Siraman, parents and elderly will bathing the bride and groom with flowers and water from the seven sources, aiming they will be pure approaching their wedding day. The seven sources of water which has been collected before could source from mosque, keraton (Java emperor kingdom), church, houses
or else where which consider as a good source of water.

Elderly who will bathing the bride and groom are expected to be person that already married and have a good marriage, not a divorcee. This expected will bring a good marriage for the New Couple. This could be their grandparents, parents, aunties, and uncles, or other which respected..

Person who will bathing the couples are expected to be in uneven number. Javanese people is believing uneven number are the best and only God who can make it even. So that it could be 5, 7,9, or more people could bathing the couple including the parents.

The Siraman shall begin when bride / groom fetch by their parents to the Siraman stage and they will sitting on a chair which has been prepared.

Mother will take 5 colored traditional soap which in Javanese mentioned as Konyoh Pancawarna, red, white, yellow, green and blue. These soap made from rice flour which mixed with kencur, a Javanese spice. With these soap, expected the bride and groom will have a shining skin on the wedding day. These soap will be mixed altogether and smeared on their face (forehead, both cheeks), hands, and legs.

Afterward, father will start to bath the Bride / groom from the head, shoulder to the legs, continue with mother. And then the elderly will be announce one by one to bath the couple and will receive a souvenir as appreciation from the couple.

Soon after the last elder bathing them, father will take a jug of water and cleanse all of the remaining flowers in the bride / groom body. For moslem, they will take this water for "wudhu" a part of stage before pray to Allah. As the water finish, father will give the jug to mother who will throw the jug to the floor into pieces. When she throw this she will mention that she doesn't have intention to break the jug but she wills to break the aura so that the bride / groom will look shining on the wedding day.

The ceremony will continue with cutting bit of the bride / groom hair in order to vanish all troubles. Father will start to cut the hair from 3 part and continue with mother. Later on the couples hair will be united and plant altogether in the Bride's house. The messenger who was bringing water to the groom's house will return to Bride's house with the piece of Groom's hair.

As the last thing to do in this ceremony, father and mother will cooperate to cary and hold the bride together as their last thing to do for their child who will about to marry.

The siraman ceremony has been finished. The bride and groom could take a shower and will continue the preparation for "midodareni" or we shall call it a bachelor and bachelorette party in Javanese term.