SUNGKEMAN

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Sungkeman is a very emotional moment whereas the bride and the groom will ask for forgiveness and permission from their parents for marrying their chosen one. The bride and the groom will utter their feeling of gladness and gratitude for being raised by the parents. They are apologizing for many mistakes which has been done along the years. In the end they will utter that they have been in love and wills to marry. They are hoping that the parents will bless the wedding, so that they will live happily ever after.

In this moment parents will give their permit and blessing also pray that their love child will live happily ever after.

The ceremony shall begin when the bride and groom in their separate house come out from a room and accompany by 2 aunties or 2 uncles. The Javanese master of ceremony will sing a Javanese song in their way out, which telling a story about bride / groom. This is a very thrilling moment. The bride / groom will be guided to Sungkeman place which has been prepared, and give salutation to their parents.

The bride and groom should be sit lower than the parents as symbol of their respect. Salutation will begin before the speech. With a graceful movement, bride and groom will come forward to the parents and start Sungkem (bend over to the parents knee) to their father continue with the mother. Should the bride and groom still have a grandparents the Sungkeman will be done to them too. Sungkeman to the eldest sister should be done to take permission should the Bride / Groom will be marry first and stepping their brother / sister.

In this ceremony the bride and groom are using a traditional Javanese outfit. Bride will use kebaya on top of Jumputan cloth which is going to be used in Siraman. After the Sungkeman finishes, the ceremony will be closed with photo with the family and bride / groom will change their outfit.

PREPARATION FOR SUNGKEMAN AND SIRAMAN IN BBRIDE'S AND GROOM'S HOUSES

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Towards the Sungkeman and Siraman ceremony, there are things which need to be prepared. In the backyard, the wedding decorator has prepared a Siraman stage with the equipment and flowers which needed. After Bleketepe and Tuwuhan ceremony finished, the master of ceremony will advice guests to gather in the space which has been prepared.

Siraman stages is made from the webbing of coconut leaves and decorated with beautiful flowers at the top. It also completed with decorated seat and bowl for water.

Water from 7 source (could be from mosque, holy place, church, other place) has been prepared before the ceremony. Parents of the bride and groom will mix all of the water altogether with flowers and green coconut. The meaning of this stage is bathing the bride and groom with water which consider pure. Therefore their body and soul will be pure towards the wedding day.

As part of the ceremony, some of the mixed water at bride's house will be delivered to Groom's house by Bride's family. The water from Bride's house will add 6 water that has prepared by Groom's family. In return, the messenger will bring some of Groom's haircut to be planted in Bride's house.

The preparation in the Groom's house is similar with the Bride's house. After the messenger of water come to their house, parent's of the Groom will mix the water altogether with flowers and green coconut, which the water be used in Siraman of the Groom.

As the preparation for Siraman finishes, Sungkeman ceremony shall begin.

BLEKETEPE AND TUWUHAN

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Now that you have read the stages of ceremony day 1 and 2, I would like to get you further to know about the details of every stages.

In this posting, I will explain about what is BLEKETEPE and TUWUHAN

Bleketepe & Tuwuhan ceremony will be take place in bride's house, this is because in Javanese Wedding, usually Bride's parents is the host of the wedding.

All of ceremony towards the wedding will be led by a well experienced Master of Ceremony. She will open the event and let all the guests surround the front gate of Bride's house to see the Bleketepe and Tuwuhan ceremony.

In the ancient time, when he was about to celebrate his daughter's wedding, Ki Jaka Tarub, One of most legendary figure of Java, use bleketepe which is made from webbing of green coconut leaves as a tent to cover his guests who were coming and grouping on his yard. Nowadays the tradition is being continued.

As you can see that Bleketepe is sized around 90cmx60xm, this green coconut webbing will be framed at the housetop by the father of the bride and helped by his wife and other child managing the ladder.

This traditional ceremony will also using traditional outfit. Father will use a Javanese tux, wrapped cloth, traditional hat and slippers. Therefore it will be slight difficult to father for stepping ladder in that outfit.

Father should be very careful when he is stepping the ladder. A practice using sarong for stepping ladder before the event would be a very useful thing.

After framing in Bleketepe has finished, the master of ceremony will lead the parents bride to open the cover of tuwuhan which already placed in both right and left of the front gate.

Each Tuwuhan is consist of plantain, red sugar cane, green coconut, and many kind of leaves, are symbolizing hope for couples to have a respectful life, act wise, fulfilled needs, and free from troubles.

Then, bride's parents will put paddies to complete the Tuwuhan and hope that the couple will soon endowed many children.

Fourth : UNDERSTANDING THE CEREMONY DAY 2

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After the long preparation a day before, today is the D day when the holy matrimony, wedding vows, or the marriage will be announced and will be followed with panggih ceremony and wedding reception

a. Marriage / Holy Matrimony
This will be based on couples religion, the ceremony will be differed from the cultural ceremony. The place could take in the church, mosque, the reception building, house, etc.

b. Panggih ceremony
Panggih in Javanese language mean "meeting between the post marriage couple", which the stages consist of

Delivery of Sanggan (banana) from the Groom's Family to The Bride as a symbol of appreciation from the in laws.

Balangan (betel leaves throwing event between the couples within 3m range). In the old days if one of the couples is not a human, it will disappear with the throwed leaves.

Wiji Dadi (Stepping the egg) in this ceremony, the Groom will stepping the egg and afterward will be washed by the bride using the flowery water as a symbol of dedication to her responsible husband.

Sindur Banayung (Sindur is a red shawl with white zigzag edges) which put around the newlywed couple by Bride's mother who's holding the couple from behind, while the couple will walk onto the wedding stage and lead by Bride's father. This is symbolize Parents are showing the way to the happiness in the after marriage life. Zigzag pattern in the shawl shows that life is not straight but has many problem along the road.

Timbangan (Scaling Weight) At the stage, the Newlywed's couple will sit on bride's father lap, and Bride's mother will ask who is heavier, and Father will answer that both of couple has the same weight. The meaning is thye love for his daughter and son in law is equal.

Tanem (planting) which the Bride's father will put the Newlywed to their sit which means that their wedding is receive his permission and blessing.

Kacar-kucur (pouring) in this ceremony, the Groom will pour a pocket of seeds consist of soybeans, nuts, rice, corn, yellow rice, flower, and coins, to a cloth on hhis wife's lap. The meaning of this ceremony is that husband will give all of his income to his wife, who will manage it well and full of responsibility.

Dahar kembul (Eating) In this ceremony, the Newlywed will eat in the same dishes, and feeding each other. The meaning is that they will stay together is the sad and happy time.

After panggih ceremony finish, the following event is Sungkeman with both parents and in laws.

c. The Wedding Reception
Upon reception, the Newlywed will enter the hall guided by cucuk lampah (man who in his dance will lead the newlywed and show them the way to the stage). Newlywed will be follwed by parents and in laws, brother and sisters and also closest relatives. This procession is call Kirab

After the Newlywed and parents come to the stage, the reception could be begun with first speech from the closest relatives, praying, dancing and congratulates the Newlywed. And the guest could just enjoy the reception surroundings with Java Atmosphere and eat marvelous cuisine. in this modern era, the reception will take place for 2 hrs and it will be ended with photo session with the Newlywed.

Third : UNDERSTANDING THE CEREMONY DAY 1

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Wedding for Javanese people is consider as a sacred thing and will happen only once for a life time. After the wedding,both parents are hoping that the couple could unite happily and can conquer all of the problems which come to their marriage. The couples gifted with children and happy life. These all hopes are symbolized in every detail of ceremonies. Therefore for Javanese, wedding ceremonies are symbolizing stages of life, within it they are put hopes and their pray.

Stages of Ceremony Towards the Wedding Reception :

a. Bleketepe & Tuwuhan (This will be take place in bride's house, bleketepe is a symbol for tent and sign that the parents will held a wedding ceremony, meanwhile tuwuhan which consist of plantain, red sugar cane, green coconut, and many kind of leaves, are symbolizing hope for couples of a respectful life, act wise, fulfilled needs, and free from troubles)

b. Sungkeman (In this stage the bride and the groom will ask for forgiveness and permission from their parents to marry their chosen one)

c. Siraman (In this stage of ceremony, parents and elderly will bathing the bride and groom with flowers and water from the seven sources, so that they will be pure approaching their wedding day.

d. Potong Rikmo ( In this stage, after bathing, parents will cut a bit of bride's and groom's hair as a symbol of freeing them from trouble, the hair will be united and burried in bride's home)

e. Midodareni (This stage of ceremony is when groom with his family are coming to bride's home and bring many presents to the bride, they cannot meet each other, it is could be define as an act for the groom to declare that he is ready to marry the bride, and the bride is also agree to accept his love, at this stage, bride's father will read The Catur Wedha or 4 advices to live a marriage life)

Second : UNDERSTANDING JAVA

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Java is an island of Indonesia which has population of 136 million and becoming the world's most populous island, and one of the most densely populated regions in the world. Java island is home to 60% of Indonesia's population. In west java, located Jakarta as The Indonesian capital city. Java island is divided into four provinces, West Java, Central Java, East Java, and Banten, and two special districts, Jakarta and Yogyakarta.

Every province and district in Java has their own uniqueness which also embedded in their wedding tradition. Mine and my husband's family are coming from Central Java. So that uphold our Javanese culture in our wedding ceremony has bring sanctity and true happiness for us.

First : THE WEDDING THEME

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You're about to married ? Congratulations !!

You will enter a phase with so may things to decide. Take your love ones and family to help yo with this.

After you decide that you will be marrying someone and the date, off course the next thing to do is decide THE WEDDING THEME: WHAT KIND OF WEDDING WHICH YOU'LL HAVE ? Will it be a NATIONAL, INTERNATIONAL, OR THE COMPLETE CULTURAL WEDDING (Which is JAVANESE WEDDING that I will discuss further in this blog) ??

Some below questions will help you as guidance to decide a Javanese Wedding :

1. Are you a Javanese ? (you will see this from your mother or father lines)
2. Are your love ones is a Javanese ?
3. Or both of you could be not a Javanese but respect and willing to feel the enormous Java atmosphere in your wedding ?

3. Javanese wedding is a very beautiful with fascinating detail, yet in the preparation it is harsh and will need cooperation from your family and also your love ones. Are you both and big family READY for this ?

4. Do you and your family will be comfortable in using Javanese outfit?
For the male and female, they will not be wearing pants but a Javanese cloth ( we call this "jarik')which will be wrapped around and off course it will not be easy to go to the toilet. For the male pairs, a Javanese tux (we call this "Beskap" will be used) and not to forget "Belangkon" ( a traditional hat) with "Keris" ( a traditional weapon) and traditional sandals will be used during the ceremony. For the female, a big hairdo and kebaya as the pairs will be used.

This kind of outfit will be used in a long period of ceremony, 2 days in a row to be exact. And for you who is coming from different culture will not be used to this and will take some time and willingness to adapt for the culture.

If you and your family will GO with above things.. then we will continue with the other things to be prepared.

Remember, a wedding is not your and your love ones only decision.. Family discussion is the thing should be done prior determine your way.

Good Luck !!